


The Recluse of the Forest; Remembrance is Pain

by Septic_Sans



Category: The Arcana (Visual Novel)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canonical Character Death, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Roller Coaster, Emotional Sex, F/M, First Time, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Light Angst, My First Fanfic, My First Smut, My First Work in This Fandom, POV Second Person, Recreational Drug Use, Self-Insert, Shameless Smut, Smut, Some Humor, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-01
Updated: 2018-12-01
Packaged: 2019-09-05 00:29:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16800094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Septic_Sans/pseuds/Septic_Sans
Summary: “You can’t go out like this.”Asra gives you an unamused look,“Why no- “He’s cut off by an intense coughing fit.“That’s why.”Dejectedly, he looks up at you once again, accepting his fate.“Fine, but I really need to get these supplies to someone.”Life is relatively mundane for the Apprentice... apart from the fact they have absolutely no memory of their past prior to a few months, and the only person who knows the full story keeps their forever-smirking lips sealed shut. That is, until their illness sets off a series of events that make it practically impossible for the truth to stay hidden.Is the mysterious recluse of the forest the missing piece to the Apprentice's past...?Find out by reading this rather cliche and amateurishly-made piece of writing!





	1. The Delivery

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there!  
> I'm so glad you decided to read my piece!  
> I personally love The Arcana and all the characters in it, but I'm especially obsessed with the character Muriel, and I'm rather disappointed that he isn't a playable route (yet).  
> Although there is graphic smut in this story, it is at the very end, and I will give you a clear warning so that those who are not interested in that kind of thing may enjoy the rest of the piece (although, it does kind of tie everything together).  
> If people enjoy this, and if I have the time, I'm hoping to write more spin-off pieces based on this story-line.  
> Either way, I will be creating more Muriel and Arcana-related content in the future (most likely one-shots) so if you have any suggestions/requests, please comment them down below, and I will hopefully get around to using them!
> 
> Anyways, I hope you enjoy this (kind of poorly written and edited) Self-Insert, Muriel Appreciation Piece!  
> (Also I'm sorry if I'm not the best at writing 2nd Person POV)
> 
> Constructive criticism, pointers and feedback are welcome and appreciated!

“You can’t go out like this.”

Asra gives you an unamused look,

“Why no- “

He’s cut off by an intense coughing fit.

“That’s why.”

Dejectedly, he looks up at you once again, accepting his fate.

“Fine, but I really need to get these supplies to someone.”

He gestures groggily towards a colourful bag, which contains an assortment of herbs, by the looks of things. A faint smell of myrrh wafts towards where you’re kneeling next to Asra’s exhausted form. 

“Who’s this _someone_?”

You give him a skeptical look upon saying this. _Why must everything be such a goddamn mystery with him?_ You love Asra like he’s family, but you could honestly do without all the needless obscurities. There’s something strange in the look he gives you as he answers your question,

“Just an old friend of mine.”

_There he goes again!_ You sigh heavily, resting your chin on your crossed arms. Your eyes scrutinise every little embroidered detail that the cushions and blankets of the bed adorn as you speak up again,

“Do you want me to deliver it to them?”

A long silence ensues. You worry that Asra may have fallen back asleep, but when you look up you see him staring back at you with an impish grin.

“I doubt he’d be overjoyed about this turn of events, but I think it would be good for the both of you to meet again.”

He chuckles, which turns into yet another coughing fit. _Meet again…?_ You decided there was probably no point in asking, as it’s practically impossible to get a straight answer out of Asra about anything to do with your past. Besides, you doubt he’s completely “with-it” right now. Another sigh.

“Where may I find this ‘old acquaintance’ of ours?”

The query causes yet another childish giggle to fall from Asra’s chapped lips.

“Well, that may be a touch difficult to explain…”

You roll your eyes in response to this.

“But you’ve made this trip many, _many_ times, so I imagine it’ll be like muscle memory for you.”

The way he said the second ‘many’ causes something heavy to settle over your organs. “Well that’s not particularly helpful…” You mutter under your breath. This causes him to laugh yet again, which in turn causes him to have a coughing fit… _yet again._

. . .

Eventually, you managed to get something resembling directions out of Asra, but it drained a lot of your energy and patience. At least the journey to this “friend’s” house is a nice one. Towering trees ache and groan as a mild wind sweeps through them. Every so often, dappled light from the quickly fading sun dances across your face and the moist vegetation underfoot. Apart from the occasional birdsong, there are no other signs of sentient beings around here. This would usually unsettle even your introverted self, but something about the area gives you a vibe of being safe… _familiar…_ Your wandering thoughts are cut off abruptly as a small hut comes into view. Although it seems like the stone structure was birthed from the large-rooted tree it resides beneath, the place appears cosy and well-kept. Quiet clucking can be heard from what you assume is a chicken coup outside. The feeling of familiarity from before intensifies...Along with a strange swelling of your heart. It swells to the point that it actually hurts…as if you’ve been missing something way too significant for it to handle right now. Attempting to swallow the feeling down, you walk the last ten metres to what you assume to be a front door. Warm light glows through small windows and cracks. You rap your knuckles against the weathered slab of wood a couple of times. There are no sounds of movement inside the house even though you can see a steady plume of smoke rising out of a make-shift chimney. After standing there like an idiot for a few more minutes, you decide to try again. Adjusting the strap of the bag over your shoulder, you knock a little louder. This time, an audible, exasperated sigh comes from within. _Were they pretending to not be home?_ On a certain level, you could respect that, being reasonably partial to solidarity yourself. When the door opens with a loud creak, you’re taken aback by the man standing in it. You were expecting some kind of small, old wizard… not this nearly-seven foot, bulky, young man. _How does he even fit in there?!_ At first, he gives you an annoyed look, which abruptly turns to shock once he registers who you are. Something about those deep green eyes sparks something within your torso. While the man continues to stare at you with an unreadable expression, you decide to take more of him in. Jagged, deep scars run down his face, one through his eyebrow, the other leading from his left check-bone to his jaw. For some reason you feel the urge to brush your fingertips over them. And for some other unknown reason, you feel as though you’ve done that countless times before. Your eyes travel down to the dark stubble that lightly dots his sharp and square jaw, which then leads you to the bulky, metal collar around his neck. Following a slow trail downwards you observe a broken chain that hangs from it. _Why is he wearing that…?_ You then can’t help but look at the muscular, scarred torso that lays beneath various leather straps. A few soft-looking, dark hairs lead down below his bellybutton towards animal-pelt leggings that are held up by a single, thick belt. “Held up” being a euphemistic term as his clothing hangs well below a prominent V-line. One of his large hands twitches slightly, causing you to look back up into those intimidating, green eyes again. Your cheeks flush magenta as you realise you’ve been caught ogling.

“S-sorry”

You mumble without thinking. You can feel his stare boring into your skin as you look at anywhere but him. A few more moments of awkward silence pass before you speak again,

“Um, Asra couldn’t make it today, so ah…here.”

You hold the bag of herbs out to him. He stares at you with wide eyes for a moment before taking it, features returning to their natural state of vexation. Something unspoken passes between you two as you stand there, waiting for him to say something. He doesn’t. But he looks like he’s searching for something in you too. Recognition? An explanation? He breaks away from whatever was going on. Before he turns to go back inside, you need to say something.

“I know you.”

Something in his demeanour shifts once those three words tumble from your quivering lips. You feel every muscle in your body tense when he turns back around.

“No…you don’t.”

His voice is deep and husky. Although they were practically whispered, coated in heaviness and what sounded like pain, his words echoed through the quiet of the woods surrounding. It felt like the world hung onto every last sound created by him… which weren’t many if we’re being honest. You could finally understand the world for once. Although you’re sure that you’ve heard it many times before, you feel the urge to draw even more words from those pursed lips. But he doesn’t seem much the conversationalist, and you get the distinct impression that you’ve overstayed your welcome. In fact, you got that feeling as soon as he opened the door. But of course, you being your socially-inept-self, you’ve got to put your foot in your mouth even more.

“Well… I’d really like to.”

Once again, your words cause him to tense up. Now it’s really time for you to leave. You hear the door shut loudly behind your back, as you quickly make your way back into the thick of the trees. _God… why do I have to be such an idiot? “…I’d really like to”, ugh…why do I always say the wrong thing?!_ You spend the rest of the journey back anxiously mulling over every little thing you just said and did.

. . .


	2. Dreams and Eels

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Asra (whom is high yet again) teases you for trying so hard to see the stranger once more...  
> But jokes on him, you actually DO see the stranger again.  
> (Surprise, surprise, amirite?)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's yet another poorly edited chapter that literally no one asked for! (And that I'm already posting within literal minutes of the first one, as I've already finished this entire piece...)  
> Cue some more weird combinations of angst, fluff and humor(?) (my attempt at it anyways...)

You spend the next week thinking about that fateful encounter off and on. The only time you’re safe from an onslaught of regret is at night when sleep eventually graces you with its presence. But something worse comes with sleep. Horrendous nightmares are a common occurrence for you, but thanks to recent events, ones based around your past with the mysterious hermit of the woods appear to be the only ones you’re experiencing currently. Although you dream of him every night, you seldom remember the contents of any of them. One particular dream managed to stick in your mind though. Your entire body racked with sobs as someone twice your height held you tightly against their chest. Their chin rests atop your rain-soaked hair as they hum a song to soothe you. Never had you heard such a sound before. Though low and gravelly, it was beautiful. It’s no surprise you couldn’t forget it. You also can’t forget the way the vibrations from deep in his chest felt against your numbed skin. He held you tighter still when your cries died out but stopped humming. The feeling in your chest at that very moment has stuck with you these past couple of days. It’s obvious that you had a special relationship with this man… to what extent, you still don’t know…But you’ll be damned if you don’t try to at least fix whatever happened between the two of you for him to dislike you this intensely. _What if who I am now doesn’t gel with his personality anymore?_ But Asra constantly assures you that you haven’t changed much… not on a fundamental level anyways. So, maybe you could find a way to patch things up…? The problem is in how to go about doing it. Trying to socialise with a recluse that is inconvenienced by your existence, isn’t exactly the easiest thing to accomplish. But who are you if not resilient. _Why don’t I make him some food or something? He can’t be exactly cooking up Nadia-standard meals for himself in a small hut like that…_ At least your excuse for seeing him again is somewhat decent. But now you’ve got to actually come up with and make something that he’ll like. The only way to find that out is to ask Asra, though… _Damn it. Cue the teasing…_ Heavily sighing, you make your way to the small kitchenette where he’s cooking you both some breakfast. You’re briefly distracted by the smell of sugar and blueberries before you remember why you’re here. You also catch the distinct scent of not-so-medicinal herbs. _Great, this’ll be interesting…_

“Hey, um, Asra?”

You shakily say after building up the courage for a few seconds.

“Mm?”

You take a deep breath before beginning the next part,

“You know that old friend of yours…”

You can’t see it, but a light smirk plays on his lips at this,

“You mean Muriel?”

_Muriel…_ You silently mouth his name from behind Asra’s back. It seems like second nature for your lips to form the syllables of it.

“Yes, him…”

You continue,

“I was thinking of making something for him to make up for my sudden intrusion the other day… but I have no clue what kind of food he likes.”

The smirk on Asra’s lips becomes much larger as he turns to face you for a moment.

“So, you’re gonna make up for invading his space by invading his space again? Hm?”

Your mouth draws into a hard line from embarrassment.

“Can you stop making fun of me, and just tell me what he likes to eat?!”

You say it exasperatedly, but the corners of your mouth still quirk up slightly when you catch each other’s eyes.

“Okay, but only because you asked so nicely…”

Asra retorts sarcastically,

“He loves smoked eel.”

Although it was a simple favour from your eccentric housemate, you both know the weight it holds. He turns back to the neglected breakfast as you utter a quiet

“Thank you.”

. . .

Your hands and the pot you’re holding tremble as his hut comes into view once again. It took a few tries, but you finally perfected your smoked eel dish. The first couple of ones tasted horrible, and you just simply could not give them to anyone… let alone him. Asra had been a massive help, and you make a mental note to cook his favourite meal for him sometime in repayment. But for now, you have to find a way to stop the acid in your stomach from churning, and the fluids in your skull from spinning. Luckily, everything goes extremely sharp when you reach the door for a second time. _Well, it’s not exactly the ‘second time’, is it?_ Your heart-rate skyrockets as you take the final step towards the door. You close your eyes, take two deep breaths, raise one of your hands, and… Your knuckles contact firm, warm skin. Blood rushes to your cheeks as you jump back, startled. An unamused Muriel glares downwards before seeing that it’s you again. For a fraction of a second his entire face relaxes, and you swear he leans it down towards yours. But it all happens so fast that you’re not sure if you just imagined it. Whether it did or didn’t happen no longer matters, because now he’s giving you a look of utter despondence. You’d do anything to erase that expression of his from existence.

“Hey.”

You try to say it as calmly as possible, but it just comes out as a breathy whisper. His face moulds into something even you can’t decipher. _Was I able to read him before…?_ You’re not given long to ponder this as he suddenly gives you a slight nod. _Yes! Progress!_

“So, ah, I made dinner for Asra and I, but there ended up being way too much for the both of us…and um…. I thought you might like some…. So, here.”

You cringe yet again at your inability to speak properly. Maybe you could learn a thing or two from Muriel about the ‘Art of Shutting Up’. Wait, was that a hint of a smile you just saw…? He takes the pot from your hands slowly. Everything he does seems to be controlled; calculated. What you would give to see him let loose for once. You blush as your thoughts turn…less pure, shall we say. You notice him inspect the contents carefully.

“You just happened to make my favourite meal?”

An unexpected shiver runs down your spine. You didn’t expect him to say that much about it. Actually, you didn’t expect him to say anything about it.

“Oh, you like smoked eel too? What a wonderful coincidence!”

Your lying skills leave much to be desired. He shoots you a disbelieving look, something you’ve probably incited countless times before.

“Well, I know how much you like your privacy so….”

You turn to leave but a firm grip on your forearm stops you. When your eyes lock once more, you notice a redness surrounding his now blindingly vibrant green irises.

“Thank you.”

From what you’ve gathered, you know he is a man of very few words, but when he does speak, they are always chosen conscientiously. You’ve never been more envious of someone. A light breeze sweeps its way through the dead stillness that you failed to notice earlier, causing yet another shiver to run down your spine. Muriel suddenly realises that he’s still holding your arm, and hastily pulls it back to his side.

“My pleasure.”

You whisper so quietly, you doubt he even heard it.

He did.

. . .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this was such a short chapter, I just had to break the story up into certain sections that'll make sense later


	3. Lying Through Your TEAth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You throw together another haphazard excuse to visit Muriel for a third time (and possibly more...)  
> Well, you get a little more out of the visit than you were initially expecting...  
> Tea being one of those things (Because what's better than tea?!)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not the best at writing dialogue (as you can tell) so I apologise in advance if this chapter (and all the others) sound a little strange.

_Ugh…what am I going to do?_ It’s been a few days since your last encounter with Muriel, and it hasn’t left your mind for more than a minute. _I don’t really have another excuse to go see him… Maybe I could just be upfront about wanting to see him…_ You decide that’s probably not a good idea. Maybe you could just pretend like you’re checking in on him? Make it like a weekly thing? _Yeah, that should be a good enough reason._ Before you overthink it too much, you let your feet carry you around the house to pack your satchel, put on your shoes, pick up your coat and race through the door. The crisp air rushing past your face only adds to the concoction of nerves and elation coursing through your veins. You finally understand how the birds sweeping above your peripheral feel. Never had the sky, land and sea felt so vast… so free. Subconsciously, your arms raise up from your sides to mimic the creatures flying above, singing their haunting song, as you practically race into the forest again. Although the place you share with Asra is warm and comforting, this smattering of pines and numerous other types of vegetation feels like home. There’s something about the ever-consuming quiet and loneliness that is so inviting to you. Your surroundings cause the lightness in your muscles to intensify... No other herbs or liquids could make you feel as high as you do right now. A laugh bubbles up from deep within your torso and rings out like the bells of a church. You pray that no one heard it.

But then a twig snaps.

Head whipping in every direction, you search for the source. Another snap; louder and closer this time. Another. And another. A steady stream of snaps until… a dark fur-covered being comes racing towards you. A strange squeaking noise escapes you as you take the full force of the creature, falling onto your butt. Before you have a chance to fight back, your face is attacked with an abundance of friendly licks. “Inanna!” An instantly recognisable voice calls. The overly friendly wolf climbs off of you and runs back to their owner’s side. Flustered, you scramble to get to your feet and brush all the dirt off.

“Hey.”

There are no words that could possibly return your dignity to you, so you opt to not overdo it.

“What are you doing here?”

Although the sentence sounds cold, it is spoken with an obvious tone of concern.

“I came to check up on you.”

Your voice breaks a little, causing the true intentions of your visit to shine through the slightest bit. This is all someone like Muriel needs to be able to see through you _and_ your excuses.

“I’m fine.”

_Damn it… what am I supposed to say now? Can this man throw me a bone for once?!_ You shift your weight uncomfortably to your other foot.

“Well, I only know that because I came to check on you…”

At least you can say you tried. He grunts quietly, and you take that as a small victory. But then you have to continue speaking.

“So… Do you have anyone else who sees you often…? Friends? Family? A spouse…?”

You attempt to implode in on yourself as soon as the last part slips out. Muriel’s jaw tenses, and his thick, dark eyebrows pull together. _Oh no…_ You also notice his hands clenched tightly.

“Other than Asra, no.”

“Oh.”

You managed to keep the relief out of your voice at the revelation that he is, in fact, without a spouse.

“Well, there is one more person…”

Perking up at this, your eyes travel back to Muriel to see that his body language has completely changed yet again.

“They’re short, talkative, and _dreadful_ at hiding things.”

Was that a joke? Did Muriel just make a dig at you?! You flash a shit-eating grin at him.

“I think you forgot to mention how they’re also witty and drop-dead gorgeous.”

A hint of a smile plays upon his lips. _That’s his version of laughter, isn’t it?_

“I never forget things.”

The air surrounding suddenly weighs a thousand tonnes. You shift to the other foot again and clutch one of your elbows across your torso in a defensive position. Chewing on your own lip, you look back into his eyes to see them wide in horror, only just realising his mistake. An unusual occurrence for him. Inanna notices the shift in the mood and decides to carefully make her way back to you, sniffing curiously at your muddy shoes. You crouch down to scratch behind her ears softly.

“Sorry…”

Muriel mumbles, at a loss for words…ironically. You shake your head, smiling sadly, without looking away from the large creature in front of you. He stands staring at the two of you for a minute, with a desolate shade to the forest of his irises. Your gaze flickers up momentarily as he carefully makes his way over to you, like one might approach a wild animal. Once he reaches his destination, he kneels down on the opposite side of Inanna. Gently, he begins to stroke her fur along with you. The action catches you off guard and causes a disruption in your patting rhythm. Your fingers brush past his, causing pins and needles to spread from the point of contact. He’s already staring when you go to look up at him. Colour rushes to your cheeks and you try to convince yourself it’s because of the cold.

“I should probably get going.”

But by Gods do you not want to leave. In fact, if you could, you’d come back to this moment and relive it over and over again. To an outsider, nothing special happened here. But to the two of you…. Something unexplainable and intangible just past between your crouched forms. It fizzled with all the life and energy contained within these expansive woods. While you may not remember your past with him, you have a distinct feeling that you were more than just “old friends” ... But maybe not. Maybe you’re reading too much into this; seeing what you want to see. That’s most likely it. Sounds like something you would do, honestly.

“Wait…”

You barely hear the entire word over the pounding in your ears and chest.

“Would you like to come inside for a bit?”

You bite back the urge to hurriedly spew out a “yes” to the offer. Once you’ve stilled your shaking body and regulated your breathing, you answer with as much “Asra” as you can muster.

“Sure.”

. . .

You know for a fact that you’ve been in this place before. It’s like the oddest case of déjà vu ever. From the numerous animal pelts and blankets scattered about, to the home – but expertly – made wooden furniture. Smouldering embers in the rustic fireplace along with countless candles littering any and all flat surfaces, cause a butterscotch glow throughout the cramped yet cosy space. Copper kitchenware hang above a small area that you assume to be his kitchen, where remnants of herbs and magic-related mixtures are sprinkled across a weathered table, and the pot of smoked eel you made lays empty and cleaned. You walk over to the table, smiling as you feather your fingers through the assortment of powders, feeling slight fluctuations of energy here and there. Another source of heat stands centimetres away from your back and rests their left hand beside yours on the thick, wooden structure. An intense blush works its way from the soles of your feet to your scalp until you realise that he’s just reaching above you to grab the kettle. _What’s wrong with me?! Of course, he was just getting something…I’m such a pathetic moro-_

“Tea?”

You nod shakily, still unable to utter a single word. You wonder if he has any idea of what his presence does to you. Do you even have any idea of what your presence does to _him_? _Does it do anything to him?_ A strong smell of myrrh and other natural remedies fills your nose and floods your senses; intoxicating you further. The sheer warmth of this place is doing nothing to help bring down the flush in your cheeks. You awkwardly shuffle to one side of the room while he grabs some tea leaves from a basic ceramic container. This attempt at avoiding further embarrassment soon proves futile. He takes two great strides towards you which causes your breath to hitch. His body doesn’t quite press against yours, but you can feel some kind of substance filling up the paper-thin gap in between. You lean back on the surface behind you, hands gripping the edge until your knuckles turn white.

“Muriel…”

Yet another instance where you’re barely able to speak through all the emotions he induces within your ribcage. Your eyes widen as he keeps leaning further down towards your burning face. An uncharacteristic, and slightly ludic, expression passes across his as he reaches around you to grab a jug of water. Luckily, you’re blessed with a wave of coolness as he moves away. The sound of water being poured into the kettle also aids in bringing you back to reality. _I’m such an idiot… What was I thinking?! Oh God…I’m never gonna stop cringing over what just happened…_ There’s a quiet sound as he hangs the kettle above the fire, causing you to look over at him again. It’s like every little thing about him demands your attention. From the chin-length, raven locks that wave around his skull, to the way he carries himself…just… _everything._ Your eyes snap away in less than a split second when he turns to face you again. You don’t know if it’s because of the temperature in the cabin, but there’s a slight tint to his cheekbones, and he adamantly looks at anything but you; a juxtaposition to his behaviour before.

“You may sit down over there, if you like.”

You nod a little too sharply and briskly make your way over to a small table. You’re taken aback by the sight of the two chairs and wonder how you hadn’t noticed them before. For starters, there’s a large difference in the size of the two furniture items. This would make sense though, as you doubt Muriel had many guests over of his size. But upon further inspection, you notice faded and flaking paint on both of them. The smaller chair is embellished with delicate patterns in your absolute favourite colour scheme, and the larger is similar, but completely made up of different shades of green and brown. And, in this moment… you _know_ you were the one who painted these. If you focus hard enough, you can feel the brush in your hand gliding across the smooth wood. Now, your fingers follow the patterns lazily, causing some more of the paint to flake off. Chapped lips splitting, you smile due to the strange nostalgia living inside your chest.

“Have you also forgotten how chairs work?”

The smile broadens; for some reason you actually like snarky Muriel.

“Definitely.”

You retort, sitting down in your chair. _My chair…?_ Muriel’s bright eyes cut right through you as he places two basic and crude-looking mugs down. Gods… if only he knew how much you desperately wanted to kiss him right now. _I’m almost certain what we had surpassed friendship…. But I don’t want to take the risk…_ Besides… things have changed. You’re no longer the person he once knew. Sure, you still have similar likes and hobbies, and your fundamental values haven’t changed… but you’re missing literally all of your past; the events that made you who you are. Heck, you don’t even know where you grew up, or who raised you. How could you possibly hope to know anyone else when you don’t know yourself? Brain going blank in an attempt to protect you from these overwhelming thoughts and feelings, you return to the present moment.

“Here.”

Steam wisps from the mug as a heavenly smelling substance is poured into it. The aroma is instantly recognisable as passionflower tea – your absolute favourite. Muriel pours some for himself and then sits down in his chair with a sigh. You lift the brew to your lips, inhaling more of the vapor through your nose.

“Thanks.”

You say this with a tired smile over the brim of the cup, and he unsurprisingly opts to only nods his head in response. After this, you both enjoy your beverages in silence for a few minutes, the searing heat replacing the numbness inside of you from before. A million questions swirl about inside your skull, as if they feel the need to fill the hole quiet creates.

“Hey, Muriel?”

“Mm?”

“Did we do this often, you know… before?”

Silence.

_Oh no, that might’ve been a bad idea._

“Yes.”

You glance up from where your hands grip the mug tightly to see him already staring at you, wistfully. Nodding slowly, you begin speaking again,

“Um, was I the one who painted these chairs?”

“Yes.”

Another nod. _I’m glad that I’m actually learning about my past… unlike when I ask a_ certain someone _about it._ But that’s not entirely fair... Asra talks about these kinds of things too.

“Did I come around often?”

“Yes… almost every day…”

Your breath hitches a little. Swallowing it down, you finally ask about the main thing that has been bugging you this entire time,

“What…what was our relationship?”

The mood of the entire room shifts. It feels as though the air has gone stale, and now you’re choking on the words that dared leave your mouth. Even Inanna shifts in her spot by the fire where she’s been resting. Muriel takes an uncomfortably long time before answering.

“We were close friends.”

Oh.

“In fact, you were like a younger sister to me.”

Acid churns in your stomach, the calming effect of the tea having completely worn off by now. You hope that he’s lying to you… it _feels_ like he’s lying to you… but this would also make sense. The teasing and familiarity are very much sibling things. But then you’re reminded of your relationship with Asra. _He_ is most certainly a brother to you, but Muriel… no. _Unless…_ Dread settles the swirling fluid in your organs. _…. This has always been a one-sided thing. Maybe my feelings for him were, and are, completely different to what his are for me._ _Or, maybe he’s completely bull-shitting me right now._ You don’t care to ask, not wishing to further disappoint or embarrass yourself. You take a page from Muriel’s book and decide to only nod in response. The awkwardness refuses to dissipate as you both finish your tea in silence.

“Well, thanks for the tea, but I should probably head back now. It’s getting late.”

“No problem.”

Legs shaking and muscles groaning, you rise to your feet. Patting Inanna once more, you say your goodbyes and then practically race out the door.

You can’t get away from there fast enough.

. . .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a good thing you're not actually Muriel's blood-relation, huh? Otherwise, we'd be dipping our toes into the incest pool, and trust me when I say, I ain't Cassandra Claire...


	4. Revelations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It all goes down in this chapter.  
> Yet another fateful encounter with Muriel occurs, but in this one you both take things too far...  
> On the bright side though, it brings you one step closer to figuring out your past...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Mild sexual themes (not anything explicit, though)  
> Plus there are some major spoilers for the actual Arcana story-line contained within this chapter
> 
> Continue at your own risk
> 
> Also, this may be quite a long chapter sorry, as I couldn't break it up into smaller parts

Although that encounter with Muriel was rather mortifying for you and your pride, you foolishly keep visiting him multiple times per week for the next few months. Though, no matter how many times you go, you physically can’t see him as “just a friend” or a “brother-figure”. You’ve always been good at understanding your own feelings, so you’re positive that you’re not mistaken about how you felt in the past. Whether he was the same is another story though. The whole thing has been driving you mad, and you finally decide to do what you should’ve done ages ago…

You talk to Asra.

“Hey, can I ask you something?”

Asra places down the yellow-paged novel he was reading down on your stomach. The muscles of his tense beneath you.

“You may, but I can’t promise I’ll be able to answer.”

The hum passes from beneath his chin to the top of your cranium.

“What kind of relationship did Muriel and I have before?”

His muscles tighten further.

“Have you asked him?”

Now it’s your turn to shift uncomfortably.

“Yes…”

“Well then- “

“-But I think he’s lying to me.”

A long silence follows.

“What did he say?”

You grimace, picking at a loose thread on your leggings.

“He said that I was like a sister to him.”

Another moment of silence… but Asra can’t contain it any longer. His laughter rings throughout the dim room, shaking your two lounging forms until you join in too.

“Gods… I haven’t laughed this hard in years…”

There are actual tears in the corner of his eyes. You didn’t think the statement was all that funny, but his fit may have been caused by the herbs you both smoked earlier.

“I’m guessing that means he was lying…?”

You fail to hide the hope in your voice.

“Well, if he saw you as a sister then… that would be rather _strange_ to say the least….”

You roll your eyes as another chuckle rumbles through the man.

“Do you ever give people a straight answer?”

The exasperation dampens your mild high. Asra only laughs in response. _I don’t think Asra can do anything straight, quite frankly…_ Although you didn’t manage to fish any exact details out of him, it was enough to confirm your belief that Muriel was lying through his teeth that day. Yet again you fail to eradicate the hope blooming within your ribcage.

. . .

Things from then on were going really well between you and Muriel.

At least, until… _that day._

You hum a carefree tune under your breath as you make your way through the forest you’ve learnt to know like the back of your hand again. These “weekly” visits have now morphed into “every second day” visits. You ran out of half-baked excuses a long time ago, so now you just simply say you want to see him, and that seems to be a good enough explanation for Muriel. Although he is still very much a recluse – which you most certainly understand and respect – it brings you great joy to see him starting to come out of his shell more and more with each day you drop by. When you do finally arrive, you notice that he’s already outside. As you draw nearer, you see that he’s crouched over inside the chicken coup. It’s quite humorous to see him bending down as he almost is as tall as you when you’re standing. _Almost…_ You’re now less than ten metres away and he still hasn’t heard your footsteps. _What’s he focusing on so diligently?_ A few small tweets give it away. In the palm of his hand is a fluff-ball of a creature. You feel your heart melt a little. That feeling is nothing compared to the one you get when he brings said creature up to his face to gently press his nose against its tiny beak. You wonder how your blood is still flowing as there’s now a puddle of goo where that major organ should be. Realising that you’ve been standing there staring at him for an uncomfortable amount of time, you decide to take another step towards him. Annoyingly, a twig snaps loudly beneath your clumsy footing. Muriel hastily places the chick down and turns to face you with a strong blush creeping up his skin. He then mumbles an awkward greeting.

“Although I barely have any memories, I can guarantee that was the most adorable thing I’ve ever witnessed.”

Muriel shakes it off, redness only intensifying. You practically skip over to him as his hulking form rises to greet you. The wind is knocked out of his torso briefly as you crash into him at full force. Carefully avoiding the collar around his neck, you bury your face in the lower part of his left shoulder (which you barely reach, even when standing on tiptoes). Your hands ball into fists against the warm skin of his back beneath the heavy, animal-skin cloak. After a few moments of shock, Muriel carefully wraps his arms around your back. He smells earthier still this close up. The aroma makes you feel even more at home, but not as much as his arms enveloping you. Feeling like the goo in your ribcage might explode, you break away from the hug.

“Mind if I hold one?”

You say, indicating the energetic birds hopping about within the coup. He nods and watches as you kneel down on the forest’s carpet of pines. One of the chicks comes up to inspect you curiously, and you can’t control the child-like giggle that falls out of you. Palm facing upward, you place your hand on the ground as an invitation for the creature to stand on it. Once you’re sure it’s on properly, you timidly bring it up to your face, mimicking what Muriel did before. When the bird doesn’t protest to the action, you give a little gasp of pure joy. As you place the chick down, you turn your head to look at Muriel once more. He’s sat casually against the side of his house, but with a blatant gaze of longing in his eye. It’s enough to break all the self-restraint you had built over the past few months. His eyes follow as you rise to your feet and walk the three steps between you two. Warily, you push his knees down and lower yourself so that yours are either side of his hips. Muriel completely freezes. You gingerly brush your fingertips over the scar on his cheek; something you’ve been yearning to do for what feels like an eternity. Without thinking, Muriel glides his hands up the sides of your torso before holding your face with them. He leans in, causing your breath to hitch. You close the gap, loosely draping your arms over his collar and shoulders. Although all the air has been stolen from them, it feels as though your lungs are about to burst. Every drop of blood, every inch of skin, every fibre of your being… it buzzes with the presence of Muriel. His thumbs brush feather-light over your warm cheeks, causing you to dissolve further into his touch. His fingers then drift into the silky strands that fall from your head. You suddenly realise that your hands have now travelled to beneath his jaw. Muriel’s strained breaths intermingle with yours. You can feel a build-up of something indescribable in the pit of your torso as your mouths continue to reacquaint with each other. He gently tugs on your hair to tilt your chin up and pull you in deeper, eliciting a soft, breathy moan out of you…

This is when it happened.

As if waking up, Muriel removes his hands from their current position so that he can use them to hastily push you off of him. He then lifts you up from his lap and places you on the ground beside as he stands once more.

“Muriel?”

There’s a sharp pain in your chest… and not it’s not a good kind this time.

“You need to leave.”

Confusion and anger replace the giddiness from before.

“What?”

You stand up and reach for his forearm, but he brings it forward and turns his head away.

“Please… just… just leave me alone.”

Tears burn in your eyes as you take a shaky step backwards before turning and racing out of the coup. You run faster than you thought possible as embarrassment and shame drive you on. Your pace begins to slow after a while, until you take your final ungraceful stumbles towards a tree. Gripping onto the rough bark, you slide to the ground in a dejected heap. _What just happened? Was it something I did? Did I read the situation wrong?_ The thoughts stab at every nook and cranny in your mind. This causes another kind of stabbing to take place. Red and black spots flash in front of your eyes as you curl up in a ball groaning and whimpering from a pain you know all too well. _I shouldn’t have pushed things… I shouldn’t have dug so deeply into my past… I should’ve known this was going to happen…_ You continue to clutch the side of your head, even as the pain subsides. Once it does, the flood-gates open. You don’t know how long you lay there balling your eyes out, but the sun’s setting already when the tears do finally dry. You feel a distinct presence somewhere in your general vicinity. Whether it’s Muriel, Inanna, or someone else entirely… You no longer care. Feeling thoroughly drained and dehydrated, you rise to your feet. The last part of the journey was horrendous to get through, but once you arrive back home, it all melts away. Sensing something’s wrong, Asra brings you into a tight embrace the second you walk near him. This only reminds you of the previous events that day which causes a tsunami of hot, salty fluid to pour from your face once more. The liquid soaks into Asra’s beautiful and colourful shirt, adding to the growing guilt inside of you.

“S-sorry”

You manage to get out between sniffles.

“Shhhhh….”

He pats down your messy hair softly with his deft, slender fingers. Once your breathing evens and your tears stop, Asra sits you down on the couch and goes to make you a cup of tea (because what _can’t_ be solved by a good cup of tea?). He returns a few minutes later with two cups and a solemn look on his face.

“Do you want to tell me what happened?”

You take a sip of the brew before recounting the whole story to him.

“I see…”

You patiently wait for him to process everything you just said. When he doesn’t say anything after a few minutes, you decide to speak up again.

“Do you know why he reacted like that? I mean, I understand that it’s upsetting being forgotten by someone, and he might feel weird about us having a relationship when I don’t remember any of my past…. But like everyone keeps saying, I’m still the person I once was.”

“I don’t think it’s about that.”

“Then what is it about, Asra?! And no more damn obscure answers!”

He sighs, placing his teacup back on its saucer.

“The reason why you lost your memories was… very traumatic for him… for everyone that knew you, really.”

You wait in stunned silence for him to continue. Asra never opens up about this kind of thing.

“I’m scared that if I tell you what happened… you might not be able to handle it. Especially in this state.”

You shake your head, staring down into the lukewarm drink below you.

“I need to know at some point, Asra.”

He sighs yet again.

“This is going to be difficult, but I’ll start from the beginning.”

Without realising, you hold your breath.

“Months before you lost your memories, a plague swept across the land. You, Julian and I were set the task to find a cure for it. Weeks passed, and countless lives were lost, but still we could not come up with anything...”

You let his words sink in. But you’re still absolutely confused.

“…Things were getting worse. We had to make piles of bodies and burn the dead. I wanted you, Muriel, Julian and I to leave while the disease died out, but, you refused... Heh… you always were the heroic type, I guess.”

_Asra wanted to leave…? I guess it’s understandable in that kind of situation… things get desperate._

“Well, because you stayed behind… you ended up falling ill with the plague….”

Memories begin to rise to the surface of your mind. Mostly flashes of red and splatters of blood. It’s horrible, but you can deal with it for now.

“We hoped you might pull through like Muriel did the last time a plague went through Vesuvia… but, although you’re strong, the sickness won in the end.”

The realisation settles over you. _Did I…? Did I di-_

“The last time Muriel saw you, you were slumped over in a pile of bodies. In all the years I’ve known him, I’d never seen him so emotionally distraught. I don’t know what he would’ve done had I not been there with him.”

More horrific images flash before your eyes. Muriel’s booming voice being thrown at the people in charge of disposing the bodies. His hands cupping your face and begging you to keep your eyes open. Asra’s golden hand resting on his shaking shoulders. Muriel’s lips pressing against your chapped, blood -covered, and rather disgusting ones for a final time before he’s dragged away by five men. That was the last thing you saw before everything went black. That blank, lifeless look moving further and further away.

“I-I remember… You were both there…. He kissed me…. Then it was cold”

You pause.

“It was so cold.”

Asra leans across the table and covers your shaking hands with his own.

“It’s alright… you’re alright now.”

His voice soothes you, if only a little. But a familiar stabbing pain begins at the base of your skull.

“Do you want me to continue?”

Purple irises flick back and forth as he searches for something within yours. The pain is gradually getting worse, but you nod your head anyways, which causes even more pain.

“Okay”.

One last search before continuing.

“I couldn’t bear to leave you there like that…. Knowing it was my fault.”

You shake your head, unable to speak. The movement makes you feel like your brain is hitting the side of your skull with every sway.

“I should’ve taken you away, should’ve taken all my loved ones away…”

You grab his hands and squeeze them tightly. Now it’s his turn to shake his head.

“Anyways… I picked you up in my arms…. You were so, _so_ light; all skin and bones…. The minute we made it home, I began tirelessly working to find a way to revive you… to bring you back. The whole thing nearly killed me in the process. I used practically all of my energy, all of my power… and I had no one to help me, because there was no way in the Realms of Hell, I was telling Muriel about it. But by Gods was it all worth it. I wouldn’t have been able to live with myself had you died anyways.”

Your grip tightens.

“But you… you weren’t the same when you came back. You were in such agony… The memories… they were too much for you. I had to take them away… _I had to_!”

“Shhhh… It’s okay. I understand.”

“And you understand why I couldn’t tell Muriel…right?”

He pauses,

“I shouldn’t have sent you to see him without explaining it all first… Not after all those months I hid you from him.”

You look up at him for the first time in ages. Crimson surrounds his empty-looking violet eyes. The pain intensifies. You don’t want to leave him like this, but you really need to see Muriel… To fix things.

“I-I’m sorry… ah! I need t-to go see -ng- him.”

You clutch your head, trying hard not to scream.

“I don’t think that’s a good- “

“I need to!”

You yell, standing with heavy support from the table.

“Please…”

Your words cause tears to fall silently down Asra’s cheeks.

“I can’t let you. Not like this…”

_I didn’t want to have to do this…_ Whilst Asra’s guard is down you cast a minor sleeping curse on him (one that will last little over five hours), draining even more of your energy. Another ton of guilt to add to the ever-growing pile. But you needed to do this. Before you can change your mind, you race out of the shop and in the direction of the forest. Once you set foot in it, the uneven surface causes you to stumble and trip over and over again, but you just use the trees to get back up every time. The pain is almost unbearable now, and black spots keep dancing in front of your eyes, taunting you. But you have to keep going. You _have_ to. You need to see him, to tell him that you remember, that you’re actually alive and real… that you love him. Something you couldn’t say at the time…. But then the pain comes to a crescendo, and you can’t stop the scream. It echoes for a mile around; a sound of complete and utter agony. The darkness creeps in from the corners of your vision. _No…NO! Not like this… please not like this._ You lose the last of your fight and collapse in a heap on the damp pines and leaves. You stare up at the trees and the sunlight that creeps through them with every swish of their leaves. At least you’ll get to see something beautiful before you lose it all. Sighing, you give in to the exhaustion and close your eyes. But someone is not having this, not having it at all. Large hands grab your limp body and pick you up in a surprisingly gentle manner. Eyes opening a touch, you see instantly recognisable green ones staring down at you with all the pensiveness the world holds.

“That’s it… keep looking at me…. keep looking at me…”

The words only make you want to let your heavy lids fall even more. His voice is so soft… so warm… so soothing. It makes you sleepy… so very sleepy. And it’s nice and warm in his arms. The flickering sunlight above as you hustle through the trees takes you further into the dreamland. It all begins fading away as you allow the numbing nothingness to creep in from the edges of your peripheral.

“No, no, no! Keep fighting! It’s okay, we’re almost there! Just… _please_ , don’t leave me again.”

Something warm drips onto your cheeks.

“I lo- “

Nothing.

. . .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew, I think that's my longest chapter yet... hopefully at least someone has gotten to this point...  
> See ya in the next chapter!


	5. Remembering and Recovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Apprentice begins reliving some of their memories whilst in their coma-like state...  
> Plus, upon awakening, they are given the opportunity to sort out a few loose ends...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little bit of shameless fluff in this chapter...  
> Also, I diverge from canon a lot in this one, so if you'd like some of my ideas and concepts explained further, just comment your questions down below!

You’re floating, swimming in warm, weightless liquid. Two muffled voices utter your name in distressed tones. You barely catch anything, and you can feel yourself slipping back into the darkness. But you fight to hear something…anything.

“…have to wait… stay with her… check… wakes up…. nothing more…. can do…”

This is all you get before losing grip on reality once more.

. . .

Memories blend together as they come rushing back, and you’re only mildly aware of what’s going on. A large warm hand clasping yours as you stroll through the woods. You pull on it, bringing the owner down closer to your level so that you may place a chaste peck on their cheek. It causes your head to spin. The trees around you suddenly morph into horrifying shapes; an effect much like that of crude oil spilling into a puddle of water. You fall backwards. Fresh, icy water engulfs you as a squeal rushes to escape its toiling depths. Quickly realising that it’s only a shallow creek, you sit up. Nevertheless, a familiar face comes rushing through the trees. They stop suddenly and grip tightly onto a trunk of one a few metres near the creeks edge. The look of concern quickly switches to that of sheepishness as an intense blush overtakes his skin. At first it baffles you, that is, until you realise that you’re currently skinny dipping in the creek and Muriel can see all of you from the stomach up right now. He tears his eyes away mumbling an apology, and you stare down at the water smiling rather bashfully; no longer feeling cold within its freezing currents. You look up and your eyes meet once more. Something bubbles up in the atmosphere… and then you snicker. It quickly turns to hysterical laughing, and Muriel joins in too… a beautiful rarity. The laughter blends into yet another memory. You, Muriel and Asra are sitting around a fire on the beach. Well, sitting isn’t exactly the right term as you and Asra are literally rolling about laughing until tears form in your eyes. Muriel only shakes his head at the two of you, a small smile splitting his judgmental stare. This only causes the two of you to laugh even harder. You roll over once more and find yourself in a bed made of surprisingly soft animal pelts. After a few seconds, you realise that there’s a large, warm body pressed against your bare back. Muriel’s arm that’s draped over your waist pulls you even closer to him as he buries his face in the place that your head connects to your neck. Sleep consumes you once more, and everything returns to black.

. . .

You awake in the bed from your dreams. It’s so cosy and comfortable that you’re unsure whether you’re really conscious or not. The sounds resulting from your awakening cause someone to hastily rush to your side. They whisper your name with more pain and hope than you thought physically possible for one person to contain. Your skull feels like it’s full of liquid lead when you turn it to the left, and it feels like there are tiny weights attached to each of your eyelashes as you slowly focus on the source of the sound. A deep crease runs in between the owner’s eyebrows, and their mouth draws a hard line that quivers slightly. A different kind of pain strains at your weak muscles. The crease and line intensify as tears well up in his red eyes. Muriel leans forward, grasping your face as gently as possible for him in his current state.

“I’m sorry… I’m so sorry.”

His words shake off the last of your sleep. With as much energy as you can muster, you worm one of your arms out from under the blankets and shakily run it down his cheek. This opens the floodgates. Fists gripping the blankets, thick, hot tears of relief stream down Muriel’s face as he buries it in your stomach, body racking with each sob. You suddenly find a hidden store of strength within yourself.

“Muri”.

Your voice comes out as a hoarse whisper. He attempts to calm down before looking back up at you again. Your arms shake as you hold the blankets up, indicating that you’d like him to get under with you. It takes him a moment to figure it out before remembering the many nights that went like this before your death. The realisation that sweeps across his face is like a stab to your heart. An abundance of warmth runs through your body as he climbs in, instantly pulling you into a tight embrace. It’s a little bit awkward with his straps and collar still on, but you’re not complaining.

“How long was I out?”

The murmur against his skin causes a noticeable shiver up his body.

“Three days.”

_Woah… that only felt like a few hours…_

“Oh…”

Muriel holds you tighter.

“Is Asra- “

“He came in as soon as the curse wore off.”

“Did he expla- “

“He told me everything.”

Confusion quickly replaces the initial relief you felt.

“If you thought I was dead, then why were you so calm when I showed up and started visiting you regularly…?

He sighs before answering.

“At first, I thought I was hallucinating again.”

_Again…?_

“And trust me, they can be quite vivid when I’m in an especially bad state.”

You bury your face deeper into his tense body.

“But I quickly realised that wasn’t the case… So, I thought you had come back as some logic-defying creature, like _him._ ”

A shudder runs through you as you remember the aforementioned demonic being.

“Part of me wanted to get rid of you… to be left alone. But I just couldn’t. I liked pretending it was real… until we- “

The silence eats away at the both of you.

“Anyways… It was in that moment I realised I couldn’t allow myself to carry on like that… So, I pushed you away. While I regret the pain it caused, I’m glad it meant we could move forward finally.”

Snakes writhe about in your stomach. A heavy silence overtakes the room and you fear that Muriel’s fallen asleep. _I need to tell him._

“Muriel?”

A soft grunt.

“I remember.”

“I know.”

“No… I mean I remember things before that.”

His muscles tense.

“How much?”

“Not a lot… just bits and pieces. But I remember enough to know you damn-well lied before when you said you saw me as a sister!”

The laughter causes a sharp sting in your sides.

“Sorry ‘bout that…”

He mumbles embarrassed.

“It’s okay, I understand why you did what you did.”

That’s the last thing you get out before falling back into the darkness once more.

. . .

When you wake for a second time, there’s a mouth-watering aroma wafting towards where you lie alone. Arching your lower back, you stretch your arms above your head with a soft noise. A pink tint colours your cheeks when you look sideways to find you’re being watched. He quickly turns back to his cooking, but not fast enough. Smiling whilst also shaking your head, you attempt to sit up… this proves futile as your arms give out underneath you almost instantly. _Damn it!_ Muriel comes over less than thirty seconds later with a plate of hearty, warm food. You swallow thickly, only just noticing the extreme emptiness consuming your mid-torso. He places it down on a small bedside table before helping you up. You go to reach for the food, but Muriel pushes your arms back down. The slight blush from before turns into a rather intense one when he brings a spoon-full of it to your cracked lips. He watches you through every movement, making you feel even more self-conscious.

“You don’t have to feed me, you know…”

You mutter under your breath in between a bite.

“Says the person who couldn’t sit up by herself.”

You shoot him a half-hearted glare which only enlarges the smirk on his stupid, kissable face. _Wait… kissable…?_ Muriel brings the spoon to your mouth a few more times.

“I’m full, thanks.”

And it’s really not a lie. You feel like if you have even one more mouthful of the rich, chunky soup, you’ll literally explode. Muriel places the spoon back in the bowl and then looks up at you. With a strangely adorable expression, he wipes some soup from the corner of your mouth. All your nerves come alive when he suddenly brushes that same thumb over your lips. Those same nerves explode when he places a sweet kiss on your lips before walking off.

. . .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Upcoming smut in the next chapter (medium level)


	6. The Creek

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You go to the creek to wash off, and 'things' happen... (wink, wonk)  
> I'm so sorry for this summary; just know that I'm cringing much harder than you are right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Explicit Sexual Content (Medium Level)  
> But there is actual plot and character development (I think) within this.  
> I swear I didn't just write smut for the sake of it...  
> (okay maybe a little, but it still adds to the story!)

It’s another week before you’re able to stand again. Asra visited a few times during those days, and you got a very expected lecture from him about safety and whatnot. Luckily, he accepted your apology for vexing him. Although you’re up and about now, you still find it difficult to do physical activity for long periods of time. On the bright side, at least it gives you an excuse to be closer to Muriel.

“I’m going to the creek to wash up.”

Muriel looks up at you, then glances off to the side for a moment.

“Do you… need any help?”

You burst out laughing.

“Real smooth, Muriel…”

He gives you an affronted look.

“I didn’t mean it like that!”

_He’s adorable when he’s flustered_. You hop up from the chair you’re seated on rather energetically before being hit with an intense wave of dizziness.

“You can come along, if you want.”

You carry on walking out the door, and your heart beat kicks up a notch when you hear footsteps approaching behind you. It doesn’t take long for them to catch up. Your arms brush a few times along the journey, which causes your entire upper body to tingle. _Will I ever get used to being around him?_ Part of you hopes that never happens.

. . .

Something buzzes in your veins when you reach the break in the trees that signals that you’ve made it to the side of the creek. Although you call it that, it’s almost river-sized if you’re being honest. Slipping your shoes off, you sink your bare feet into the loose gravel made up of smooth, rounded pebbles. Muriel watches intently until you lift your light top above your head and drop it by your feet. He doesn’t look away quickly enough though, as he still catches sight of your smooth back and dark-coloured brassiere. Heat fluctuates not only in his face, but also in his lower torso, which he instantly feels shameful for. When you briefly glance over your shoulder, you see Muriel staring adamantly at a tree. A laugh slips from your lips before you continue with the task at hand. The supposed ‘tree-lover’ behind you only becomes more flustered when the last of your clothes hit the ground with an audible thud.

“Muriel?”

“Yes?”

He continues to scrutinise the bark at his eye-level.

“Are you coming in too?”

You take tentative steps toward the water as you ask the question. There’s still no answer when you dip a toe into the fast-flowing liquid. Goosebumps litter your skin as the coolness then rises to your ankles. Somehow, even more pop up when you hear the sound of Muriel’s pelts hitting the ground. Despite better judgement, you sneak a quick glance over your shoulder once more, and the sight causes your entire body to go fuchsia. It was extremely brief, but you saw him… _all_ of him. And, to make matters worse, he caught you looking. A strange feeling niggles at the base of your torso… and lower. A not so innocent idea crosses your mind.

“Do you want me to take your collar off for you?”

The tension builds to an almost unbearable state before he finally answers.

“Okay.”

This time, it’s him barely able to speak. At a painstaking rate, you turn to face him fully, almost bursting into flames upon seeing him from behind. Oh, how badly you wanted to run your hands over all of his defined muscles and brush your lips over the many scars that trail downwards on his tanned skin. But you have a plan. Muriel stands up straighter as your footsteps draw near. His entire body jolts when you brush your cool fingertips over the burning skin of his shoulder-blades. He then releases a shuddery breath as you press your torso up against his. With nimble fingers, you undo the mechanism that he has never been able – nor wanted – to figure out. Yet another audible breath leaves him as it opens with a loud click. When you lift it from his neck, your arms sag under its weight. _He’s been carrying_ this _around for years?!_ It saddens you further when you realise that the emotional weight of it was probably much harder to bear. After placing it on the ground, you move back into your previous position. His skin there isn’t as pale as you initially expected… that is, until you remember that he had stopped wearing it before you died. You fight against the tears that threaten to fall from your eyes. _He put it back on because of me…_ You brush your lips lovingly over the soft, sensitive skin of his neck, causing a mixture of a sigh and a groan to vibrate from his broad chest. Muriel melts into your exploring mouth as you leave multiple love-marks along your journey. But this all ends abruptly when he suddenly storms away from you into the stream. _Wait, what?!_ After standing there in shock for a moment, you make your way over to him once more.

“Muriel?”

“Don’t come near me… please.”

There’s a touch of embarrassment in your lover’s voice as he proceeds to sit down in the water, despite the bone-chilling temperature. Although he told you to stay away, you can’t fight the worry and curiosity in your mind that beckons you onwards. When he hears your splashes, his head turns stubbornly away from the source of the sound. Ignoring the numbness in your shins and part of your knees, you slowly tiptoe over large, slippery rocks until you stand in front of him. This only makes matters worse. You can actually see an angry blush creep from his chest, to his neck, and then finally up to his face. Even though you’d rather not get any more of yourself in the water, you straddle his hips whilst he sits cross-legged, taking his burning-hot face into your hands once more. That’s when you feel it. An equally bright blush coats your skin as you realise why he rushed off to the cool water in the middle of your moment together. The feeling of Muriel’s hardness against you causes warmth to return to your lower regions. Having low self-control, you bring his already-inching-closer face to yours with a great amount of force. Once adjusting to the new situation, Muriel brings his hands to your waist and grips tightly. You open your mouth in a gasp, which Muriel takes as an opportunity to slip his tongue in with yours. His hands tentatively brush up your ribs as your tongues continue to dance around each other. The need for him rises with them. But then he stops, hands barely touching the underside of your breasts. Yet, his kisses grow more urgent. Realising that Muriel is too much of a gentleman to do what you both want, you remove your hands from his face to grab his. As you both break apart to catch your breath, you place his rough, calloused palms over the smooth, delicate skin of your chest. A tiny moan leaves your partially parted lips.

“You can touch me, Muriel.”

His eyes widen, hands still frozen in shock. But then his eyes return to their lidded look of lust from earlier. He muffles another sound of pleasure from you by hungrily claiming your mouth once more, as his hands gently knead your breasts. You cry out suddenly as his mouth sucks on a sensitive part of your neck. Much like you did before, he leaves marks all over your collarbone and shoulders. Not wishing to be so idle, you run your hands over his torso as you unconsciously rub yourself against his hardness. Muriel hands grip your chest tighter before stopping still. In an almost pleading manner, you question him,

“What’s wrong?”

Muriel brings his face up to be level with yours again. As he takes your face in his hands, you thankfully see a look of desire still burning in his stunning, green eyes.

“I want our first time to be in the bed we share… if that’s alright with you…”

_So, we haven’t after all…_ You bite your lip, nodding eagerly. If only he could see how adorable he was just then. Getting up quickly, you playfully splash your way over to the piles of clothes. Muriel’s laughter behind you causes a large smile to break your face in half even more. When he walks past to his own pile, you can’t help but stare. _I can’t believe I’m going to do this with someone as amazing as him…_ Your cheesy thoughts are cut off by something dark and soft being thrown at you. It was Muriel’s cloak.

“You can wear it for the trip back…”

He mutters rather sheepishly. You thanked him, noting that he had somehow already got his pants back on. _Wow… someone’s eager…_ Hypocritically, you hastily wrap the item around yourself before grabbing the rest of your clothes and draping them over your arm. Your heartrate lowers slightly when you see Muriel staring at his collar on the ground. Carefully, you walk over to him, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder.

“Muri, you don’t have to carry that burden anymore. It’s okay to let go.”

He turns to face you with a small but sad smile. You press your lips against his gently in reassurance. Without either of you really trying, the kiss deepens. Although you really don’t want to, you break the kiss off.

“Come on, let’s save this for when we get back.”

An out of place grin and rather cringe-worthy eyebrow wiggle follows your words. Muriel can’t help but return a similar expression. He has one last look at the metallic object on the ground before you lead him away by the hand. _I’ll dispose of it for him later._

. . .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Until next time!


	7. "I Love You"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The final chapter!  
> Muriel and the Apprentice's shenanigans continue...  
> (I'm really bad at summaries if you hadn't noticed already)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Explicit Sexual Content (High Level)  
> Also, this is going to be very cheesy and romance-centred, so if you're looking for some kinky shit, then this is not the story (not that I have a problem with kinky works, I'm just terrible at writing them- and writing in general)

Slam!

When Muriel enters the hut, you’re already sat down on the bed having “bet” him in a “race” back to the home. Basically, you poked him in the ribs and ran off like an idiot (instantly regretting it because of the lack of upper body support). Muriel simply watched you run off in disdain… and he also maybe laughed at the whole ordeal… just maybe. But the journey back alone gave him a lot of time to anticipate what was to come. And the time it took him to get back gave you a lot of time to psyche yourself up for it… Or, more accurately, psyche yourself down. _What if I’m not what he wants? What if I’m not good enough? What if he thinks I’m unattractive? What if-_ You’re not given an opportunity to further deprecate yourself as Muriel strides over. He kneels down before you and takes both of your hands in his.

“Are you sure you want to allow a scarred, broken killer, such as myself, to deflower you?”

The worry and earnest on his face is like a slice directly through your inhibitions - and heart.

“For starters, you are not broken, nor a killer. Secondly, I adore every part of you, scars and all…”

His jaw relaxes.

“…and, if you don’t ‘deflower’ me right now, I swear to all that is holy, you will be the cause of my insanity.”

At that, he picks you up and lays you down vertically on top of the soft pelts, removing the borrowed cloak from your otherwise naked frame.

His breath hitches.

_Oh no…_

“Gods… what did I do to deserve you?”

His voice little more than a breathy rasp. It sets your entire being on fire.

Muriel’s lips softly trace their way from your mouth, to your jaw, to your neck and to your collarbone, where he then leaves a few more marks before continuing his descent. His kisses trail through the valley between your breasts, to the expanse of your stomach. The feeling of his stubble against your smooth skin sends tingles down your spine. Your lower torso begins quivering as he continues further still.

“Muri!”

You cry out as his tongue hits you.

Although it embarrasses you to admit, you’ve touched yourself to the thought of him on many occasions. None of those times could ever live up to this moment here and now. He kisses you as passionately as if it were your mouth. Every so often, his tongue flicks and hardens against especially sensitive areas of your womanhood, causing you to writhe even more. His palms press down on your hips, and thumbs tenderly rub your inner thighs in an attempt to calm you down. You’re glad his hands are in their current position because you genuinely fear that you’d float away if not for them. Muriel’s tongue dips into your entrance, causing the knot in your lower torso to tighten further. With each passing minute, you find it harder to breathe. That is, until he licks you _there._

You cry his name as his tongue sweeps across the source of your pleasure. Muriel’s endearingly flushed face stares up at you for a moment with wide eyes.

“S-sorry… that just felt really good…”

His lids relax once more. Without breaking away from your gaze, Muriel touches his tongue to that same spot again, which results in a loud gasp and arched back. Once you settle back down, he begins to leisurely swirl around the area. His actions become more motivated with every moan and jolt of your legs, though. The pressure continues to rise…until a long finger slips deep into your entrance.

“Muriel!”

You practically scream as you come undone beneath him. Legs still trembling, you begin to calm down from your high. Your lover’s burning mouth come back up to lazily peck along your jaw as you both catch your breath. Whilst his guard is down, you flip your positions so Muriel’s now lying beneath you. He shoots you a questioning look, uttering your name partially before you press a finger against his moist lips. It feels like you have the whole world at your fingertips. And let’s face it, Muriel pretty much is your whole world. You affectionally kiss every one of his scars you come across, occasionally breaking away to whisper sweet nothings in his ear. A dusting of pink coats his cheeks with every phrase of adoration. But then the mood shifts once more as you bite your lip and shift so you’re sitting in between his legs. His green irises flash as your hands glide from his shoulders to the belt of his pants.

“Is this okay?”

You hesitantly undo the buckle and begin to pull it open.

“Wait!”

Muriel sits up suddenly and covers your hands with his. Worry chews away at your insides.

“You don’t have to do this… I don’t want to hurt you…”

You shake your head, smiling softly at him.

“You won’t.”

His grip tightens.

“Trust me… Please, Muri.”

His entire demeanour softens, and he allows you to guide him back down. Heat rises to the surface of your skin as you finish removing the last of his clothing. You now see what he meant. Muriel’s erection rests painfully hard against his stomach. Although it seems a little daunting, you’ve never yearned for something more in your life. Something between a groan and a sigh of relief comes out of Muriel when you drag your tongue from the base to the tip. It’s nothing compared to the guttural sound from within his throat that comes out once your mouth wraps around his head. He then utters your name as you continue to worship his body with your surprisingly skilled tongue. Muriel uses up all his willpower in fighting the urge to thrust his hips upwards. While you can’t take all of him in, you manage to make up for it by stroking the rest of his length with your hands. It’s obvious that he’s getting close because his groans and squirming are becoming more and more frequent. Jaw aching, you manage to take some more of his length in, but this results in Muriel promptly pulling you off of him and back up into a deep kiss. Both of your hands tangle in the other’s hair as you attempt to combine with one another. Somehow amidst the chaos of your lips crashing together, Muriel manages to flip your two desire-consumed forms so that you now lay beneath him once more. All that can be heard throughout the dimly lit room is two strained breaths intermingling as you both break apart.

“Please be gentle with me.”

Your arms are wrapped around his neck as you stare up at him with starry eyes.

“Of course.”

His longing-coated whisper melts away the last of your nerves before he brings himself to your entrance.

“Ah!”

Your nails drag down Muriel’s back, leaving behind angry red marks, as he slowly pushes himself into you. Tender kisses litter your skin in an attempt to help you through it. Once he enters you fully, a whimper that sets his heart on fire leaves your shaking lips.

“You okay, my love?”

More high-pitched sounds of pain and pleasure leave you as you nod your head. Although it’s torture for him, Muriel waits for you to adjust. After a few moments, the pain subsides.

“Y-you can move if you’d like, now”

His lips press hungrily into yours as he slides out of you partially. He swallows down your moans as he presses into you once more slightly faster. After realising that your reactions are that of pleasure, he begins to steadily slide in and out of you. You wrap your legs around his waist as that familiar pressure from before begins rising within you. It’s obvious that Muriel is close now too as his actions are becoming less consistent, and his throaty groans are growing louder. Fingers tangling in his hair, you grip the raven locks.

“Fuck…”

The sound of your sweet Muri cursing sends you over the edge. You cry his name for the millionth time, walls clenching and releasing around his length, which causes him to lose control as well. Muriel shifts so that he’s able to envelope your body with his, the front of his torso pressed into your back. You both fit together perfectly, and the feeling of his arms wrapped tightly around your torso helps you build up the courage to say what you’ve been meaning to since that day.

“I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading my work! (sorry for the super cheesy ending btw)  
> I had a blast writing my first ever fanfic, and I hope you all enjoyed it! (At least a little, hopefully...)  
> If you'd like more works like this, please leave a kudos and a comment below stating things you either liked and/or disliked about my writing/story, and what you'd like to see me do in the future!


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